Taking stock

It's official, fall's here. For many of us, this time of year signals a renewed effort in our work or school. Summer vacations are now pleasant memories, and we turn our attention toward the end of the year, including holiday plans. This can also be a time of increased introspection, looking inward to assess satisfaction (or dissatisfaction) with meeting personal goals, as well as the state of our intimate relationships. How does your "state of the union" look right now? Are you and your spouse or partner relating in warm, mutually fulfilling ways? What are the areas in which you'd like to see change and growth? Do you have a plan for pursuing that goal?

Here's a tip for getting started with that process. Get a sheet of lined paper (graph paper is good, because it's lined in both directions). Going down the sheet of paper, list things such as "self", "marriage" (or "relationship"), "children", "extended family", "friendships", "work", "spirituality", "hobbies", "recreation", and "finances". There may be some other categories which are important in your life. For instance, if you're both a student and working (and that includes many of us!), you might want to list "education", as well. Across the top of the page, list "good/meeting or exceeding my expectations", "OK/acceptable", and "needs work". Then, looking at the areas on the left-hand side of the page, take a moment to reflect on how you're doing in each of these areas and enter a check mark in the appropriate box.

The goal of this exercise is to help you take stock of the things you value most in life--your relationships and the pursuit of valued goals. Give it a try and see where things stand. Have you been neglecting some family connections in pursuit of work or educational goals? Or, perhaps it's the other way around, and the demands of family have interfered with advancement at work or school.

This exercise can give you a quick "snapshot" of areas of imbalance in your life. While it probably doesn't make sense to do this weekly, or perhaps even monthly, many have found it useful to repeat this on a quarterly basis, for instance. Comparing your latest results with earlier assessments can help you stay on track in maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships and other valued life goals.

Welcome!

Welcome to Dr. Liz's blog, "Intimate Matters". Here we'll explore all sorts of topics regarding our closest relationships, whether with spouses, partners, friends, or even coworkers. We'll look at the good, the bad, and the truly ugly in relationships. Anyone who has a significant other or even a close friend knows the comfort and joy that sharing one's life can bring, as well as the pain that comes from betrayal. More commonplace than major betrayals are the small disappointments in our relationships that seem to be a part of daily life. Some of the areas we'll look at are:

• The forces that draw us together, as well as those that drive us apart
• The age-old question of how men and women can talk to each other
• Is it possible to stay sexually and emotionally faithful to one person for decades?
• Do we expect too much from our marriages?
• How can you "affair-proof" your workplace?
• What are some new models for intimate relationships?

We humans are by our very nature highly social. We tend to thrive when our marriages, friendships, and work associations are going well, but suffer both emotionally and physically when we experience major interpersonal problems. I hope you'll check in frequently to see what's new, and that the information and opinions contained in the posts will enrich your personal life.

Remember, "intimate" really does "matter"!